


Avoidance

by CustardCreamies



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 21:45:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3224552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/pseuds/CustardCreamies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jeremy is in love with James but is too scared to admit that to him, so he tries to avoid him instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avoidance

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little drabble. A few lines of this came to me at night and I scribbled them down and made a fic for it.

Jeremy didn't know when exactly he had fallen in love with James.

To him it just happened like a gradual process, a soft gentle thing that happened over time until the signs were too hard to ignore.

He couldn't really pinpoint the first time James smiling at him made him feel like a million butterflies were in his stomach nor could he pin-point the first time thoughts of kissing James senseless had occurred to him, it just seemed so natural to have these thoughts. Like instead of just appearing, they had always been there. It's just now they were making themselves known to him. He had no idea what to do with these feelings.

So he decided the best thing to do was to avoid James.

Of course, in their line of work that was almost impossible. What with filming Top Gear and all the live shows they had to do together. So he took to avoiding James whenever he could. When James asked Jeremy for an after filming pub visit, Jeremy would decline. When they were away filming and they were in a restaurant, Jeremy would always sit next to Richard, leaving a gap between him and James. Even when they were doing challenges, Jeremy would always ensure he was working more with Richard then with James, and James was starting to notice.

Every time he caught James starring at him with hurt in his eyes, it hurt him. He didn't want to do this to James and being away from him almost hurt as much as it probably did James but Jeremy couldn't really see another way around it. He felt like he couldn't tell James and if he did, James would be disgusted and would want nothing more to do with him. He just couldn't lose James. He wouldn't. He'd rather live with this then not have James in his life.

Things came to blows, however, when one night Jeremy found that the Top Gear production team had set him up to room with James. Jeremy tried to make Richard swap rooms with him and when Richard wouldn't, Jeremy resigned himself to being in the same room with James.

Upon embarking into the room, Jeremy found James standing there, looking out the window. Jeremy could tell by the way that James was standing that James was full of tension.

"Why don't you want to share a room with me?" James voice was soft.

Jeremy floundered for a moment before replying "well you snore, mate. You'd keep me awake"

James let out a little laugh and shook his head "you know I don't believe that, right? You've been avoiding me for months. I'd like to know why" he turned to face Jeremy and the hurt was clear on his face "what did I do?"

"Nothing, I-"

"Nothing?" James said, his tone raising "I must have done something to have you stop speaking or hanging out with me. What exactly did I do, Jeremy?"

Jeremy couldn't think of an answer, except to tell the truth, but here, in this moment, he still couldn't do it. He didn't know how to say it, or if it was the right thing to admit. He hated knowing he was causing James pain. But he was a coward. A big coward who couldn't admit to his best friend he loved him.

"James, you've done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing...it's just..I'm dealing with something and I don't know how to deal with it. Please, it's nothing you've done"

"Then why won't you share a room with me?" James asked him again and Jeremy found at that moment he had had enough.

"Because I love you" Jeremy almost shouted the words out.

Silence fell in the room.

Jeremy heard James' sharp intake of breath and found that he couldn't look James in the face. So instead he opted for turning on his heel and all but running out of the room and into the nearest bar.

* * *

 

Jeremy stayed at the bar for a few hours, silently nursing his drink. This was it. The end of his friendship. He wondered to himself how he would keep Top Gear going if James wouldn't speak to him. He may have to get someone else, but he found the thought of this almost hurt as much as James never speaking to him again. It wasn't James' fault. He didn't deserve that punishment. No, it was Jeremy's fault and his to bear alone.

He was so lost in thought he didn't notice someone coming to sit next to him until a voice spoke to him.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

It was James.

Jeremy looked up to see James looking at him with utter sadness in his eyes. "I couldn't. I just couldn't. I didn't want you to see or look at me any differently and I didn't want to lose your friendship" Jeremy replied, looking down at his beer.

"You clot, you'd never lose my friendship, you've hardly got any friends anyway" James replied.

Jeremy let out a bitter chuckle and drained the rest of his pint. He got up to leave but James put a hand on his arm.

"I'm not finished, now if you'd have just told me sooner, I would have responded that, yeah, maybe I love you too"

Jeremy stopped and looked up at James who was smiling shyly "re-really?" Jeremy spluttered out.

"Yes you total imbecile, I love you too, you didn't have to avoid me at all, you really are dense with emotions aren't you?" James replied.

And with that, Jeremy leaned up and kissed him. James returned the kiss and Jeremy sighed into it, this was all he wanted. 

When they parted, James held out his hand "shall we move this to the room?" he asked and Jeremy nodded and took the offered hand in his.


End file.
